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Are you running away from yourself?

July 4, 2017

“Inside of us, but out of awareness, is the truth that I already know everything I need to know.”

Do you know that feeling of procrastination? Of not having to look at your problems even though you know it is the best thing to do?

It is often said that many of our problems are related to this reservoir of repressed emotions we carry deeply burried within ourselves. We seek to escape from it in many ways. The average human life is spent trying to avoid and run from inner turmoil of fear and the threat of misery. Everyone’s self-esteem is constantly threatened both from within and without. If we take a close look at human life, we see that it is essentially one long elaborate struggle to escape our inner fears and expectations that have been projected upon the world. In between are periods that we succeed in momentarily escaping those inner fears, but the fears are still there waiting for us.

We have become afraid of our inner feelings because they hold such a massive amount of negativity that we fear we would be overwhelmed by it if we were to take a deeper look. We have a fear of these feelings because we have no conscious mechanism by which to handle the feelings if we let them come up to the surface. Often we are afraid to face them, they continue to be surpressed they wil always be a dark cloud on the background. Like someone pinches you but you already forgot how it hurts because you are getting used to it, and the pinch becomes a tampered numb but slightly annoying feeling.

Escapism is the avoidance of feelings through diversion. This avoidance is the backbone of the entertainment industries. Also it is the route of an workaholic. Today we live in a society where people try to fill in there lonliness or that lack they fill with as much work as possible so they distract themselves.  Escapism of inner awareness is a socially condoned mechanism. We can avoid our own inner selves and keep our feelings from emerging by an endless variety of pursuits, many which eventually become addictions as our dependency upon them grows. People are desperate to stay unconcious. We observe how often people flick the television, or turn on the tv at home just to have some sound in the background.  Or we grab our phones to see if we got some new likes on that recent instagram post. The constant and endless socializing, talking, texting, working, traveling, shopping, drug-using,  and partying. (Whoops, guilty ) Then we walk in a dream-like state, constantly being programmed by the data they take in. We are terrified of facing ourselves. Most people dread even one moment of aloneness.

So what happends if we let go of a feeling? The energy behind the feeling is instantly surrendered and the effect is decompression. So how to we let go of a feeling? I am still in this process myself, as I find myself often carrying my own burdens and the burdens of the people around me. So this is why I had no choice but to go within, since this pressure was taking a toll on me especially when I got back from my travels. I think to let go of something, or to surrender a feeling is to have no strong emotion about something. Its okay if it happends and it’s okay if it doesn’t. When we feel free there is a letting go of attachments. We can enjoy something but we don’t need it for our happiness. The only thing we can do is acknowlodge and feel our feelings, how upsetting that might be. Feelings come and go, eventually you realize that you are not your feelings nor your emotions, but your witnessing them. You can also practise this very effectively in meditation. Just observe when each sensation arises and passes way. As you become more aware of the changes within you begin to identify with this new sense of awareness. This way we get closer and closer to our true self. We can begin to regoqnize then that those emotions were merely created by the ego in order for survival. That also doesn’t mean positive emotions are bad. They are merely manifestations of thoughts. Experiencing love is ofcourse the other opposite of experiencing seperation. The ego likes to seperate. This is why most negative emotions stem from this survival mechanism to protect your sense of self. To feel your emotions, is to actually integrate them, and take full responsibility for your feelings.

It is not thoughts nor facts that are painful, but the feelings behind them. Thoughts in and of themselves are painless, but it is the emotion behind it that often causes the innerturmoil. This is the accumulated pressure of feelings that causes thoughts. One feeling, for instance, can create thousands of thoughts as a ripple effect. If we could surrender the underlying painful feeling, all those thoughts would disappear instantly and we would forget the event just by being present with it.

When you run away from all of your problems, you run right into infinitely more. The further you run from your problems, the further you run from yourself. That is why I stopped running.

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